whenever we talk, u just complain now adays : "Kitne formal ho gaye ho..Mam, Take Care and so on.. Aur kuch to likhna nahi aata ;-) jab tak man nahi kiya hai na ..why can't u simply try to adjust..why do u want world to live like u ..why can't u think about others sometimes..why can't u have trust in god/nature/ why don;t u behave as a mature person"
what shud i say as far as the fact i say mam to u..i think still there is lot to do ..give faith and let others feel that they have this right and can pratice it..it shud not be just reflected by the talks..but through some small moments..some tacit way of talks..
for the first time , i am ready to face the dark face of life and my perception,,,where i am sure to be destroyed..may be earlier i was just trying to delay or avoid the final destination...though i know i am sure to result in death and failure ..coz the thing the way i percieve this world knowledge humanity..that exists nowhere...may be after my death the world will understand ...or may be the frnds like u may prove to the world that this bulshit erson has some meaning in the talks....may be he is not able to make whole world understand or not at all egar to do that... i am feeling once again comfortably numb...a fleeting glimpse i have ...this is not how i am ..i am person universal beyond the myths of time place life..
u know one thing...what ever i am said and predicted ...most of things are right...and rest are going to be like that...so just remember whatever i have said directly..and some times tacitly..u should understand this...and it may help u out..now i am realizing...i am god of small things...some are good ...some are bad...but all bad things even proved fruitful for others...so i never mind being sometimes bad tough ...here life is not going like that...and i must confess..i shud walk away...the time is harsh...its tough it a truce..and i am realzing the best frnd of a man is nothing except time and struggle... sometimes i feel ..i shud be like a normal being///what i feel i shud say it...but i cannt...i am a man with abnormal instinct and man can never be perfect....so sometimes to some extent i agree i was wrong and at present i am wrong..but the kind of sufering i have been inflicted..is something i wonder..i was not that much bad..or my efforts ,,my virtues and vice does nt deserves that much of pain... but still i suffer ...due to others...i know...some persons may be no help to me neither..some work remain fruitless and ...still i do..while doing i had some selffishness...but u knw...at the end ..the result always proves me that i am god of small things... i have facing with frnds who were very close to me..now i am passing away all the ghust of worldiness...man-made weakness...absolving all the unfotunes ...am i am reciding no pain...i am moving away from all the cares and love ,,,and my fae seems to be destined towards the horizon..where i am no more what u may know..but just a person who is the god of small things...may be he can not be ..but still his work and destiny is going to happen like that...and u knw ..i am missing a small kid inside me..who wants to cry ..who wants to live the life like a normal human beings..he has lot of love and cares running through the vains. but cannt feel it..or cannt get it..u knw y..becoz...all the love and cares resides on some nude facts some sweet talks to show the love and cares..and u can feel only when u are ignorent of these facts and rules and myths...but i am getting exposed day by day..some harsh truth about the humanity,love...this society..existance of human life and nature..and may some extent i can see the future..and that future is not the way we dream..not the way we have upto now taught the fundamenatls of humanity kindness...mercy love care faith believe ...almighty...everything is just pure harsh...i am not able to digest those poisonous thoughts..coz reality is like a poison.....i am tired...and sick exhausted.....i was knwing this fact...but still i never want to believe in that...and now everythimg is maligning...i want to come back to normal..but no way back.... anyway sorry thats what is going on..at present just i am trying for a better..thats all... i'll appreciate if u can stay away for the time being to mailing me...or reading my mails....these will cause unnecessary pain.to u..and in front of i feel like a kid,,,honey..i miss u like anything ..i dont know..i shud not say these thngs to you..but i can not be quiet ..u r the point of absolution for me...so please stay away...that can harm u..i have nothing left which can give it to u . just i am left a man...wo dont know what will happen the next day.. so well go ahead with ur life wish u good luck.. i wish i cud ask u more favour , like i am missing u badly, a longsince i hear ur voice.i wish we cud sit together and understand each other. but all this isnot possible 4 u , i think.i am happy whatever u like .as usual i love the way u r.and this will be answer till my last breadth.
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